Why Republicans Have To Lie (Part 1)

I expect this to be the first in a series of commentaries I plan to make on the thesis that Republicans actually have to lie. They are forced to lie because they support positions that are unsupportable by truth and honesty. By the way, this brings up a point I want to make early on in this blog. When I talk about "Republicans" I am almost always referring to "Republican politicians" unless the context would suggest otherwise. In this post specifically, I am mostly talking about Republican politicians. And the subject of my commentary is entirely about Republican politicians. Or at least, I think it's going to be since I haven't written it yet. Plus, who knows, by "Part 4" maybe I'll be talking about voters instead. Stay tuned and we'll find out together. Now, on to the actual meat...

Republicans have to lie, quite simply, because if they were to tell the truth about their positions, it would destroy the entire facade of conservatism, a facade that conveniently demands that you enter a world of fairy tales and fabrications and machinations to make any issue about what WE the GOP say the issue is, never mind how ridiculously illogical or out of touch with reality that may be.

OK, let's get down to business. Today I want to talk about Voter ID Laws and the mythical Voter ID Fraud that has taken up quite a bit of our national conversation over the past few years.

First off, let's start with what the facts are. The facts are, Voter ID fraud is not a problem in this country - not even close. There are numerous sources for this information online and one only need to do a quick Google search to find them. Here is one from Slate, and another from the Huffington Post. I particularly like that 2nd one because it uses the favorite word of my 9th Grade Geometry teacher; "Bunk". Anyway, Voter ID fraud is not a problem in this country. 10 cases since 2000 is not enough to affect... anything. If you think otherwise, you should get back on your medication right away.

So that leads us to this; If Voter ID fraud is not a problem in this country, then why do Republicans pretend that it is? Well for starters, because Republicans have to lie. But Heartless Bastard, WHY do they have to lie? Ah, that's the juicy part, dear reader. The Republicans have to lie, because as stupid and easily dis-proven as their claim is, it's still much more appetizing than the truth! The truth is, Republicans believe that requiring Voter ID will actually suppress votes, and more specifically suppress Democratic votes. And here's the kicker (make sure you're sitting down, you won't hear me say this very often) - I think Republicans are absolutely right. Studies show that low voter turnout always always always benefits the Republican ticket. This is why Presidential election years are so bad for Republicans, because more people show up to vote, and it's why liberals are lucky that Senators are elected every 6 years instead of every 4, or else there are some that we'd probably never get rid of. But that's a topic for another time.

So now we know that low turnout actually benefits Republicans. Why is that? Well the short simple answer is Republican voters vote. Always. And they always vote for Republicans. Democratic voters... they're a bit more blase about the whole thing. Democrats just can't be bothered sometimes. They don't get fired up like Republicans. Apparently hatred and bigotry are much better motivators than equality and freedom, but I digress. Republicans know that if you make it even more of a "pain" to vote, then even more Democrats will say "Oh it's such a bother, I don't have the time". But Republican voters? Oh, they'll still vote and they'll proudly show their credentials. Some branches of our Democratic voting block are also... shall we say lacking in organization? Or to put it less PC, they just don't have their shit together. Meaning, they're overworked, tired, rushed, and are much more likely to show up at the voting location without their ID. Republicans know this and that's why they want to make you show ID.

On top of everything else, add in that the time to vote in a rich white neighborhood is mere minutes, while in some areas of Miami or Cleveland (both in the news in recent elections) inner city election locations were overwhelmed with lines of voters, some of which had to wait FOUR HOURS to vote. (which brings up another point that I'll mention later in this post) So now, consider this: you've been in a line that say lasts about 2 hours and let's say you're lucky and you've only been in line for an hour when you realize you forgot your ID ("lucky" as opposed to waiting the full 2 hours and not realizing it until the election official asks for your ID). Are you going to drive home and take 1/2 an hour round trip to get your ID and THEN wait in line for another 2 hours? Republicans are banking heavily that the answer to that question is "absolutely not" - and again, I think they're right. 

THIS is the reality of so-called Voter ID Fraud and the Voter ID laws supposedly designed to end fraud. The truth is the real reason Republicans want Voter ID laws is just so that they can suppress as much of the Democratic vote as possible and hopefully eke out a win. And the reason Republicans lie is obvious. Let's compare the two options, shall we?

LIE: We need Voter ID laws to prevent the massive voter fraud that takes place in this country. Voting is our most valuable right and the cornerstone of our Democracy and we must not let these (black) people steal our elections! We must take action to make sure our elections are fair and balanced (just like Fox News!)

TRUTH: " If we can't get the votes of the minorities, or, if we aren't willing to stop treating them like shit in order to get their votes, let's do something to prevent as many of them from voting as possible. Ok how do we suppress their votes? Well for starters make it harder for them to vote, and more of a hassle. Let's require ID. Ok how do we pitch that? Oh that's easy, just lie and say 'those people' are committing voter ID fraud by the thousands and we need to stop it! Oh, our voters will eat that shit up, after all, they never require proof of any of our claims, why should this be any different? Also, as soon as we find just one case of voter ID fraud, we'll have Fox talk about it nonstop for a month. Voila." 

And there you have it. The reason Republicans must lie about this issue is because as bad as the lie is, the truth is way worse. So they have no choice, they have to lie. It's just fortunate that they're Republicans because they're both good at lying and they seem to enjoy it since they do it so much.

One more thing. About that whole 4 hour wait to vote. Whether you wait 4 hours, 40 minutes or 14 minutes, it's probably time you'd rather spend doing something else. You want to get in, vote, and get out. Given that, let's examine the theory of voter ID fraud. I mean, let's pretend we don't already know for a fact that Voter ID fraud doesn't happen at any significant level. Let's just talk about the theory. 

The theory is this: Democrats want to cheat so bad that they're willing to do all of this: 

1. Research before election day to find someone in a precinct other than their own who is not likely to vote. Make sure to find someone of the same gender, race, basic age, etc.  (how does one even do that, exactly?)
2. Stand in line for hours to vote legally as themselves in their precinct
3. Go to a different precinct and pretend to be the person from #1 above, wait in line for hours again, pretend to be the other person and hope they aren't caught, all to cast 1 additional vote for the election.

Does that make any goddamn sense? How fucking stupid would you have to be to try that? It's ridiculous!! That is how incredibly stupid the Republican lie is... and yet, it's still better than the truth. That shows you just how bad the truth is on this issue, for Republicans. It is so bad, that the lie they came up with is dumber than a typical Pat Robertson audience. It completely defies any sense of logic or rational thought. 

If you are a Republican or anyone else that believes the Republican lie about Voter ID fraud in this country, my advice to you is simple. If you don't believe what I've told you here then check for yourself. Use the internet and find 50 cases of in person voter fraud in each of the 50 states. When you can't even find 5 cases in each of 5 states,  maybe you'll realize I'm telling you the truth,  and your politician isn't.  One can only hope. 

Summary: The next time a Republican (politician or voter) claims we have a problem with voter fraud in this country, call bullshit and set them straight.